This story is from a friend who asked not to be identified. The truth is hundreds of thousands of mothers and fathers in the Western world can tell this same story. It’s standard practice in family court for a parent to use false allegations to obtain a retraining/protective order (PPO) from the other parent. The PPO isn’t for protection; it’s for leverage, to hurt, and to deny the other parent a relationship with his or her children.

Hopefully, this story will help some who have experienced the same. If you haven’t lived through this experience, it’s hard to imagine what false allegations can do to you. Especially, when the false allegations were made with the specific intention to deny you a relationship with your children. If you have a friend or family member going through a custody battle, please reach out and give them a shoulder to lean or cry on. It will help more than you can imagine. My friend’s story:

++++++

Imagine being a dad who has always tried to do the right thing, both for the kids.

After ten years in a marriage with a controlling angry partner, I made the hardest decision of my life: to leave, for a healthier, safer environment for us all.

There was no history of violence, no threats, no incidents—just a deep desire to protect my kids and give them the life they deserve free from any distress.

But instead of finding peace, I found myself in a nightmare. My children were taken from me. 2 months into a working 50/50 arrangement. During this time, we had only ever argued about money or their mother’s drinking, causing her to not attend our Saturday morning kids’ sports or refusing to allow calls with the children when she was upset.

Out of nowhere, she filed a false claim; she claimed I posed a hypothetical risk—that I might be suicidal or a danger to them in the future, and she claimed she was scared.
This absolutely blindsided me.

There was no evidence, no incident, and no past history to back it up. The police had not once been involved with our family. She just based it on her feelings and misquoted child protection. Suddenly, I was thrust into a fight I never saw coming.

For seven agonizing months, I had no contact with them other than one supervised visit on Mother’s Day, where she falsely tried to get me arrested for a Facebook friend request I didn’t send, I had no other contact with my children, not even a single txt or phone call. No chance to reassure them, to tell them how much I love them.

All of this despite the complete absence in the order of any accusations that would even be considered violence or threats.

Every day felt like an eternity, knowing they were out there and cut off from their Dad.

I’ve spent $70,000 so far. Money I didn’t have—just to try to see my kids again.

The financial strain was overwhelming. I had to postpone a biopsy for cancer because I couldn’t afford it—the opposing lawyer ignored my plea and demanded I spend $1580 on a drug and alcohol test. Alcohol was not mentioned as a reason they had been taken.

I did everything they asked of me, passed the tests, met with psychologists, and attended supervised access with very positive feedback. I was given 2 video calls per week, initially where my children told me how they needed me back; with tears in their eyes, each call, they were getting more and more desperate and vocal about their distress. I was also becoming more stressed myself but had to hide my emotions from the world as a judge had scolded me in court for looking anxious and sad.

I eventually couldn’t work, my health was deteriorating, and I was rushed to hospital with symptoms so severe they mimicked a heart attack.

Even then, legal aid refused to help, leaving me to navigate the legal system self-represented.

I’ve endured countless accusations, over 30 attempts to create grounds for my arrest, and fighting with no legal representation. One charge landed me in court, and I eventually managed to have it dropped, only to see new charges take its place.

Every expert, every doctor, every professional who reviewed my case or interviewed me and my wife recommended I should have unsupervised time with my children.

Child protection found no evidence of risk and actually encouraged the court to allow contact, yet it has had no impact on my role as a father.

I am still battling for the right for my kids to have their dad back.

I’ve lost so much—
my boys
my marriage,
my best friend
my health,
my job,
my financial stability,
and now I’m having to sell my home.

Through it all, I’ve never raised my voice in anger, never involved my children in our adult conflicts, never even spoken a harsh word about their mother to them.

I’ve done everything I could to shield them from the storm and fix this for them, but it’s like shouting into the wind. The courts don’t seem to care.

The restraining order that keeps me from my kids is built on assumptions, hearsay, and lies about the views of child protection— claims that I might have been suicidal are clearly false, I’m still here and in a much worse predicament still without my children, and still having never even self-harmed or any diagnosis of a risk.

She claimed that child protection told her to get the PPO because I was a risk. Yet, these claims have been refuted by child protection themselves in formal writing on 3 separate occasions.

The reasons given on the restraining order for feeling scared include examples like: “He renovated the kitchen without my consent; this was after we separated, living in different houses.”

Our 50/50 arrangement all came crashing down and unfolded when I discovered my wife had been unfaithful with my best friend of 10 years just a month after I had left the relationship.

She gravitated toward my two closest friends and managed to successfully cut off what would have been a major part of my support network. My oldest friend of 15 years rejected her requests to stay with him.

The other, a married long-term close best friend of mine, admitted to me on the phone he had slept with my ex-wife a few days prior to the kids being taken. The betrayal of my friend was hurtful, and I let her know I was aware and that it seemed very like a vindictive act.

Seemingly to punish me for finding out about this, or possibly because she mistakenly thought I might tell our children, she got angry and refused to let me say goodnight. She gaslit me. Claiming I was unstable (not knowing my friend had already admitted guilt). Gaslighting and withholding the kids was a common occurrence every time she got upset. She then falsely claimed I was suicidal- a claim that was entirely false and I was assessed as not unstable by the police after she requested a welfare check.

The police left, telling me they would tell her I’ve not been assessed as a risk and she couldn’t withhold the children unless there was an actual safety risk to the children.

My wife said to me, “the police don’t know what they are doing, they aren’t qualified to assess a person’s mental health, they are not psychologists” neglecting to explain why then she had called them to a welfare check in the first place.

She then turned her phone off after texting she “would not drop the children to me for my time for safety reasons”

A day later, she called, telling me she was worried I might kill the children and myself. One day later, she dropped the kids off unsupervised at my house, without even a hug goodbye.
My doorbell camera showed she didn’t truly believe they were in danger.

She told the kids I might harm them just before dropping them off in my care while she left to file a non-police restraining order. Claiming they are not safe in my care.

I was first aware of a restraining order after a verbal account of the restraining order was unofficially served in detail via my 10-year-old child—he explained all restrictions locations and distances a week before the police had even contacted me. Months later, her lawyer demanded drug and alcohol tests that had nothing to do with the reasons the children were originally taken.

During a video call with my kids on Father’s Day, she had told them to buy me alcohol for Father’s Day and promised to pay for it—despite her claim that alcohol was now the main reason she felt the kids wouldn’t be safe with me.

It feels like a never-ending battle against a system that refuses to see the truth. The courts won’t look at the evidence and won’t follow the recommendations of their own experts. I feel exhausted, scared, and utterly heartbroken. If this continues, I fear it will break my heart for good.

All I want is a chance to be their dad again.

I’ve done everything to show I’m safe, loving, and stable. I’ve never wavered in my commitment to them. I just want to be in their lives, to love them as they deserve to be loved.

I don’t know what more I can do, but I’m not giving up.